Play Fallopoly

@minty rolls 10(dubs).
You make out to Megaton, paying the steep entrance bribe so as to be able to search the city for Rose. You find no evidence of her presence.

I drink irradiated Essence of MessyJessie to earn more caps.

@Greed rolls 10(dubs).
You are caught be Revenuers. They take 100 bottlecaps from you and redistribute them among the other wanderers.

It works, sorta. Like all the other players, you gain 25 bottlecaps.

@Sugar Bombs rolls 6(dubs).
You arrive at the Galaxy News Radio building. The two Brothers on guard don't seem to recognize you anymore, but they charge you 5 bottlecaps for being a Super Mutant anyway.

@Khanzer rolls 6.
You arrive at the Yao Guai Tunnels.

Yao Guai Tunnels
Cost: 300
Rent: 40
Hovel Cost: 50
Only hovels may be built here. Anyone other than the owner that lands on this space (if someone currently owns it) must fight d6 Yao Guai. If they lose this fight, all their items and caps are left on the space until another wanderer can claim them.
Mortgage Value: 75

Seeking to lighten your heavy burden of excess bottlecaps, you purchase the property.

@scumhook rolls 4.
You happen upon a Nuka Red machine. Their is a cyberdog sitting next to it looking stupid. You try and purchase some Nuka, inserting 10 caps. The machine clunks and clanks, but no Nuka is forthcoming. You try again. Still no Nuka. Just as you are about to try a thing time, you notice the dog smirking at you. You attempt to kick it, but is jumps away. The fight is on.

@scumhook rolls

@Greed rolls

Penis executes a beautiful flying dick slam, but Dogmeat's reaction time is superior to any organic creatures. Instead of the soft crunch of living tissue and bone, Penis is greeted by pebbles and sand as Dogmeat again jumps back out of the way. Spitting sand from his urethramouth, Penis regains his sacking and turns to face his foes once more.

@scumhook rolls

@Greed rolls

Penis feints being stunned, causing Dogmeat to close in for the kill. Penis is not stunned however, and uses a dickjitsu ballbag sweep to knock Dogmeat to the ground. Penis leaps on top of his opponent in full rape rigor. The cybernetic canine bucks and jumps, but his resistance only makes Penis harder.

@scumhook rolls

@Greed rolls

Dogmeats cybernetic servos are no match for Penis' rape lust. Penis pins Dogmeat down and bludgeons him unconscious with multiple glans shots to the face and mouth. As Penis stoops to collect his loot, A Mysterious Stanger appears. It looks as though this fight ain't over yet.

@minty rolls 6.
Grayditch is still a shithole.

GrayDitch

Cost: 60

Rent: 5

Hovel Cost: 20

Each Hovel adds 5 to the base rent (so up to 30 rent with 5 hovels), a fort adds 30 to the rent, and a vault sets the rent at 100.

Mortgage Value: 15

You may purchase this property if you so wish. You must decide by 2330(pacific), 11 June, 2277.

@Greed is knocked out

@The Vault Dweller rolls

@scumhook rolls

The Vault Dweller opens up with his Minigun, but the spread goes wide, missing Penis. Penis fires back with by kegeling bottlecaps out his urethramouth with subsonic force. The Vault Dweller's armor absorbs the brunt of it. He has to stop and reload however, giving Penis some time for a follow up maneuver.

@The Vault Dweller rolls

@scumhook rolls

Penis sees his chance and charges the Vault Dweller, pouring bottlecaps fire from his urethramouth. The Vault Dweller is pushed back by the relentless assault. Penis closes to within melee range, seeking to negate the Minigun advantage. As Penis leaps, the Vault Dweller drops the Minigun to the sand, and boots Penis directly in the bell-end. The strike brings tears to Penis' eyes, giving the Vault Dweller the precious moments they need to reload.

@The Vault Dweller rolls

@scumhook rolls

The Vault Dweller's minigun take on a high whine as the barrels cycle, spitting depleted uranium death. Penis throws himself to the ground, barely avoiding the majority of the bullets. The close shave singes Penis' back hair. The Vault Dweller braces their Minigun on their hip, as if to say "what now?"

@scumhook
You have expelled 147 bottlecaps on this battlefield and may safely retreat if you so wish. What do?

Engorge warp drive, Mr Gasku.

Attack the bastard!!!!!

@scumhook rolls

@The Vault Dweller rolls

@Greed wakes up

The Vault Dweller is taken aback by Penis' continued resistance. Before they can get their Minigun back into action, Penis has knocked it from their hands. Dogmeat comes to groggily.

@scumhook rolls

@The Vault Dweller rolls

@Greed rolls

The two human(ish) combatants slam into each other with great force. Wet slapping sounds can be heard from kilometers around as they pummel each other. Dogmeat sniffs and whines, still trying to clear his head.

@scumhook rolls

@The Vault Dweller rolls

@Greed rolls

Penis knocks the Vault Dwellers helmet sideways, in a skillful display of wasteland dickjitsu. The Vault Dweller is preoccupied with fixing their helmet, so Penis rhino charges them directly in the stomach, sending the metal warrior flying. Before Penis can capitalize however, Dogmeat has mounted him from behind. The red rocket ballocks buster is a seldom seen maneuver, but no less effective for it's rarity. Shaking of this additional opponent will not be easy. Is Penis up to the task? Only the next series of dice rolls will tell.

@scumhook rolls

@Greed rolls

Penis is either the most skilled or the luckiest wanderer to ever face the wastes. Falling whilst twisting to the side, Penis throws his full weight on top of Dogmeat. Although there is no satisfying *snap* this time, Dogmeat is again out for the count.

@scumhook
You recover your expelled bottlecaps and loot Dogmeat's body for an additional 82 bottlecaps. You turn to loot the Vault Dweller's Minigun and Hardened Power Armor but the Vault Dweller seems to have disappeared. A bit disappointed, you once again set forth into the wasteland.

This ^^^

I'm a right cunt to play Monopoly IRL with too.

@Sugar Bombs rolls 6.
You stare wistfully at the old Irradiated Metro you had to mortgage. Although your bottlecap stash has somewhat replenished, you are still slightly too poor to repurchase it.

@Khanzer rolls 4.
Jury Street Metro is still abandoned and alone. The dilapidated platform gives off strange echos.

Jury Street Metro
Cost: 200
Rent: Rent is determined by the roll of the dice, with the renter paying that many bottlecaps in rent.
If doubles are rolled, the player keeps rolling until doubles are not rolled and pays the total amount in rent.
If more than one metro station is owned, the total rent is multiplied by the number of metros owned.
No structures may be built at metro stations.
Mortgage Value: 75

Although you have more than enough caps to purchase, you hope to hold out for something better.

@scumhook rolls 10(dubs).
You cautiously approach the Deathclaw Sanctuary. You thank Nuka that the door still seems intact. Hanging crooked on the gate is the familiar "for sale" sign.

Deathclaw Sanctuary
Cost: 300
Rent: Your life
The Deathclaw Sanctuary is already as developed as it ever will be. The residents will quickly end any wanderer foolish enough to stop here. If the Sanctuary's owner is killed, rather than being auctioned, the Sanctuary returns to it's original state, as though it were never owned.
Mortgage Value: 0

You may purchase this property if you so wish. You must decide by 0530(pacific), 12 June, 2277.

I so wish to purchase

You ram the door open like a virginal hymen and get out even faster than you would in that situation.

i wish to purchase the shithole

Done.

@minty rolls 6(dubs).
You have located your prey! As you approach the irradiated metro, Rose the Super Mutant is staring wistfully at the 'For Sale-120 bc' sign. You may attack if you so wish.

@Greed rolls 8.
You awake aching all over from your pummeling. You drag yourself toward St. Monica's Church to recover. You are instead swooped up by a Super Mutant Patrol. In your weakened state, you are sure to lose any fight you get into, so you allow them to haul you off to the Detention Center.