This thread makes me think of this article. http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jun/09/sex-depravity-penguins-scott-antarctic "During that time, he witnessed males having sex with other males and also with dead females, including several that had died the previous year. He also saw them sexually coerce females and chicks and occasionally kill them." Penguins are so cute.
When I was about 11, I made my own religion. Yeah, crazy, I know. The rules were simple: all religions are equally valid, bigotry was intolerable, all that other gay hippie shit. It probably would have gone over, too, except for the fact that the deity of choice for the religion was a giant penguin that shot lightning and cradled the world in its feet. I was a pretty weird kid My mom still claims to be a "thunderian", because she agrees with the message (she's a liberal) and she thinks it's cute. I abandoned it because seriously look at that shit.
Yeah, that's a pretty bad religion, but I think we can salvage it. I like your choice of deity, we can keep that. We just need to fix the bullshit rules. First off, it's the only valid religion. Next up you're going to need monthly blood sacrifices to your penguin God, because obviously he thirst for human blood. All the adherents of this faith are going to be required to dress classy. That means tuxs for the boys, and some sort of skimpy black and white ensemble for the women, although they can also choose to wear tuxedos if they're mannish hambeasts. I think your main tenets should be the four Fs: Faith (Because blind faith is necessary for any religion): Faith in the penguin, faith in your community, faith in yourself Feasting: Taking what is yours and consuming what you want, whether it be food, drugs, etc. Fighting: Fighting should be approved of, whether it's internal to cull the meek, or external to slaughter the nonbelievers in honor the Penguin Deity, however it should be clear the fighting needn't be only physical, it can be on any level you wish. Needless to say, martial prowess would be just as respected as a "snake in the grass" sort of person. Fucking: Obviously this is necessary. We could have drug fueled orgies and sex rituals. I don't know why that ever went out of style.
>monthly blood sacrifices to penguin blood god that shoots lightning I think I love you, Rape Train. The non-fat girls should wear a white bustier with a black miniskirt. OMG LIEK THE KAWAII SCHOOLGIRLS IN BIBLE BLACK DESU NE? How is Eric Clapton necessary for my religion? Orgies? Drugs? Violence? I APPROVE! It's probably gonna be difficult getting tax exempt status with the slaughter though...
