Kids Too Stupid to Beat Original Mario Games

http://www.p4rgaming.com/majority-of-gamers-today-cant-finish-level-1-in-super-mario-bros/


Apparently our new generations of swaggies are so fucking stupid they can't even beat the first level of the original Smash Bros. Game.

-They never read the instructions.
- Thought the coins were the enemies.
-Had no concept of bottomless pits
-Demanded that Mario's future powerups be swords and guns.

Swords and Guns.
Guess being a PvP Queen on Halo does jack shit when you can't even beat the beginning level of Super Mario Bros. for the NES

I very much doubt it.

I'm not fucking surprised.

We are getting there.
I remember it took my sister weeks to finally fucking understand how to properly use the grappling hook in Wind Waker.

I doubt this too. I can't read the site at work, but everything you shared sounded stupid, and the part where they asked for gun and sword upgrades sounded especially fake.

Your sister has down syndrome.

Force them all to play Ikari Warriors for a minimum of 5 hours.

You're probably still a cut above the rest.

They'll kill themselves.

IW for NES is broken. The arcade version's supposed to have dials for you to turn around, and that control scheme doesn't work for NES. Super Contra's scheme is better. And the guns don't even shoot far enough. Thank god for 'A,B,B,A'

Haha seriously. They should have bundled it with a Game GEnie.

No need for Game Genie. Pressing A,B,B,A resurrects your character. But playing through to the end to fight the guns is an achievement by itself

GEnie glitched it anyway. Pretty sure I remember stage 6 getting locked up every time. However with the cheat code, the frustration levels aren't where they need to be. There's always a solution

Modern games explain players everything they need to do. That's the thing.

This story isn't real. That's the thing.

I'm turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so!
http://www.nintendo.co.jp/ir/stock/meeting/130627qa/index.html

Force them to play Silver Surfer for that amount of time.

What the fuck. Was that deliberate? Were you testing people? Why the hell did no one else notice you wrote Smash Bros?

Well anyway I've been saying this for years. Games today are fucking easy. They cater to the majority, which has been conditioned to play games for cheap rewards and flashy effects. The challenge in most games are an illusion, as the player is strung along a series of thoroughly scripted events.
I've noticed most kids, even young adults, are incapable of doing well in oldschool games. They stick to modern games that have no teeth and hand out accomplishments like free candy. Worst of all they accuse me and other veteran gamers of being bad at games because we don't care for modern games. Even though I'm not only good at oldschool games, I can take on most modern games (and their gamers) without batting an eye, because of how fucking easy they are.
The only exceptions are games deliberately made to be challenging like Rayman Origins or games that have some kind of "beyond hard" mode like Halo. Those can be worthwhile.

PS. That article is fake.

Really?
Then there is still hope.
I'm surprised Escapist fell for it (which was my original source) they are usually very careful about what articles they report on their sites.